Can your childhood cause you to be codependent?
In order for someone to have the ability to express their true-self, it’ll be essential for them to be an integrated human being. What this means is that their mind (thoughts), heart (emotions) and body (instincts) will normally work together.
Through being this way, they’ll be in touch with their needs and they will be able to go about fulfilling them. There will not be a reason for them to concentrate solely on other people’s needs and to do what they can to please them.
Boundaries The connection they have with themselves will have allowed them to realise that they didn’t need to do something, and their inner strength will have allowed them to make this clear.
It will not have mattered if a close friend or their spouse had asked them, for example, as they won’t be considering neglecting themselves. And, as this is how they are, they likely won’t expect other people to fail themselves .
As soon as they become aware of something that they wish to achieve or experience, they may end up taking the first step. Their self-belief will play a role, as will their ability to listen to themselves.
They won’t need anybody to give them permission before they do anything or for somebody else to be there every step of the way. This doesn’t imply that they won’t need other individuals support; what it means is that they’ll have the ability to take their own initiative.
A Fulfilling Existence
Being mindful of their needs and being able to fulfil them will allow them to lead a life that’s deeply meaningful. This doesn’t imply that they’ll always have the ability to fulfil their needs or that they won’t have set backs, however.
In regards to the people in their lifetime, they will likely experience life in a similar way. In addition to being connected to themselves, they will do what they can to fulfil their needs, and this is going to show that they are also enabled human beings
If their emotions ever get out of control and they are not able to handle them, there’ll be people in their life who they can reach out to. One is then likely to have the ability to be with how they feel and they’ll feel comfortable enough to open up to others when this is not possible.
This will mean you will not be dependent on others and neither will they try to do everything by themselves – they’ve embraced the fact they’re an interdependent human being. There’s the chance that this is how they have been for as long as they can remember.
The Other Side
Experiencing life this way could be seen as the ideal, and this is because one won’t have the propensity to neglect themselves. However, while this is how some of us will experience life, there will be plenty of others who experience life differently.
In this case, someone’s primary objective will be to please other people. In regards to their inner world, they will find it tough to feel centred and at peace, which is why they will have to be certain that they don’t displease others.
Thus, in the same manner that an unstable building will require scaffolding; they’ll need external stability to make up for their inner instability. Unlike the individual above, they will find it hard to handle their own emotions, and this is the reason why they’ll be emotionally dependent upon others.
And, even if they are aware of their true needs and feelings, it doesn’t mean that they’ll focus on their needs or show how they feel. To be able to please other people, they will have to tune into their needs and feelings and to dismiss their own.
Self-Abandonment This would lead to them being overwhelmed by their feelings.
The trouble is that by doing everything they can do make sure that other people don’t abandon them, they are abandoning themselves. And the reason they expect to be abandoned can be due to how they feel worthless.
Primarily, they feel the need to hide their wants and feelings, secondly, they are not able to handle their emotions, and thirdly, they feel worthless. Yet, though this might be what’s normal for them, it does not indicate that they were born this way.
The reason they are experiencing life in this way is very likely to be the result of what their early years were like. This may have been a time when their developmental demands were not met, with them being abused and/or neglected instead.
Through being treated this way, they would have come to believe that there was something inherently wrong with them and it would have stopped them from being able to develop the ability to deal with their emotions. This may happen to be a time when they needed to look after their caregivers needs.
Disconnecting from their true-self and creating a false-self would then have been something that they needed to do to survive. But while ignoring themselves allowed them to survive during this stage of their life it’s now making them suffer.
If a person can relate to this, and they want to change their life, it may be a great idea for them to reach out for outside support. This is something which can be provided by the aid of a therapist or a healer.